The Beauty of Burnout, Confidence, and Reading Scripture
An odd trio of sorts, but as I sit here during my breakfast break- I realized something so profound to me this morning.
I walked on the floor absolutely done with my job. Needless to say, that may be burnout speaking or the knowing that there is so much more to the world than working bedside forever. Or actually- working forever. But as I typed that, according to the Bible, we are supposed to work. We’re supposed to work and rest. We’re to be selfless and work for others as wholeheartedly as we can. But ultimately it is a service to God.
And of course I couldn’t finish this post during my shift so - a reflection as a continuance:
So today, and in general, I noticed that whenever I have other things bothering me outside of work itself, work becomes easier than I’ve built it up to be. The pre-shift anxiety and what seem to be symptoms of burnout are minuscule compared to my personal battles. It was easier today to be more chipper because what justice would I do if I continued to be a black cloud. My problems had nothing to do with work. And worry was not going to make my day any better. Despite having feelings of being done with my job, it has been a while since I’ve devoted myself to work so I was glad to be back today. It was a weird feeling to be 100% back.
Burnout came when I worked 2 jobs and picked up extra shifts while trying to maintain a social and travel life. I felt as that if I drowned myself in work, my external problems would go away. That my feelings would resolve themselves. And although it was an accomplishing feat to achieve so much and praised- it’s unsustainable. And I was so blinded to the fact that there IS so much more than just work. I was not resting. I stopped enjoying my life regardless of how packed my schedule was. But the beauty of burnout is that rest is the final destination. Unfortunately, my rest was 2 weeks of being sick right after my international trip. I haven’t slept that much in months. But I think I’ll save that for another day.
Confidence was solidified in a different way today. And continued to grow my self love. And I’m thankful. I feel like I’m glowing again and when I say that- I reflect on the fact that I have prayed to God to shine his light through me, with me, and onto me. He has truly blessed me with that specific prayer because every day since. I feel the light through me especially at work. And when I can make anyone - my co-workers, patients, and their families- smile, I know it was God’s blessing. Despite the burnout, I feel more confident at work in my craft. I feel more confident in my daily routine. And in my own skin. Selfishly, I love when people say that I’m glowing or that they love to be around me. I love knowing I make the people around me happy, seen, and confident.
Reading scripture- well that ties everything together. Today’s Bible verse was:
“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT
Reading this today inspired this post. It inspired me to give my ALL to my patients today and express a patience and care I felt like I haven’t practiced in my time off of work. God blessed me with such a beautiful day yet again. But this time, slightly different- I felt it in the air. Especially compared to the last few shifts, today, was an absolute blessing. And I could not be anymore grateful. Additionally, I think the staff today was what I needed the most. And I’ll always go back to the saying: It Is The People. And God blessed me with the people.
The beauty of all three is that for me, they happen simultaneously in a way I never knew could happen, but in the most harmonious way.